The Last Times
by lennysheartlocket
Summary: You never know it's the last time when it happens. A series of Finn and Rachel's lasts, though they didn't know they were lasts then. One-shot. Rated T for mentions of sex, just to be safe.


**A/N: This was a random idea I got. I was watching Grey's Anatomy and Meredith said she didn't remember the last time she kissed Derek, because at the time you don't know it's going to be your last kiss. So, my mind kind of wandered to Finchel, and I got this idea. This heartbreaking, ****_heartbreaking_**** idea. I hope you enjoy it anyway. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee. If I did I would've ended it after S3 with Finn and Rachel riding off into the sunset together. And Brody Weston wouldn't exist. I also borrowed some quotes and I don't own those either.**

* * *

The last time they say 'I love you' he's dropping her off at a train station and sending her to New York, without him, when she thought they were getting married.

She cries uncontrollably because no, he can't join the Army, he _can't_, he's supposed to stay with her and become her husband and move to New York with her. He can't join the Army because she can't do this without him. She wants to be a star, but she wants her man too.

Rachel sobs uncontrollably while Finn talks, she cries so hard her body physically hurts. Her throat feels sore and hoarse and her face is wet and sticky from all her tears, but her heart hurts most of all. "Look, you're gonna get on that train, okay?" Finn tells her, looking at her face even though she's too busy sobbing to look back. "And you're gonna go to New York. And you're gonna be a star. Without me. That's how much I love you."

_If you loved me you wouldn't do this! _She thinks, but she can't force herself to say it. She turns and looks at him, still sniffling, as he talks about surrendering. He says that if they're meant to be together then they will be, and she hopes he's right, because she knows she wants to be with him. She wanted to be with him forever, she wore his ring proudly for months.

He asks her to surrender, and she knows she won't be able to say yes. She doesn't want to surrender. She doesn't want to lose him. She loves him. "I love you so much." She simply says, and it's true.

"I love you," He whispers to her, and she knows he means it, and they kiss. It tastes salty, because of the wetness still on her face.

He leads her to the train and she hugs everyone goodbye. They kiss again and she gets on with a heavy heart, finding a window seat and sitting down. When the train pulls out the rest of New Directions wave goodbye, but Finn, Finn runs alongside the train until he can't anymore, just like in every cheesy romance movie ever, and Rachel bursts into tears yet again when she loses sight of the man she loves more than anything.

And in that moment she hates him, hates him so much for doing this to her, and yet she loves him with every fiber of her being at the same time. Rachel Berry will never stop loving Finn Hudson.

* * *

The last time they kiss they're breaking up, also for the last time. This time though, she's breaking his heart. And if she could go back, if she knew then what was going to happen to him in the not so distant future, she wouldn't have done it. She wouldn't held onto him and never let go, hugged him and kissed him and loved him and kept him out of harm's way.

But, she can't go back. That day she told him she couldn't do this right now, that she wanted them to end up together but she couldn't be with him at the moment. And Finn had told her how utterly lost he felt, and she'd assured him that she had faith in him. And they'd kissed, and it was beautiful. It was so many things all at once – happy, loving, sad, passionate, remorseful, nostalgic. And afterwards they stand there on the auditorium stage, their Jerusalem, for just a few more seconds, his arms around her, reluctant to let the other go.

If she'd known it was their last kiss, she wouldn't let him hold her for a lot longer.

* * *

The last time they sleep together, her mind is screaming _wrong, wrong, wrong. _But a larger, more prominent part of her brain that knows this is right, right in every sense of the word. Rachel plus Finn equals right.

Brody doesn't look at her like he does, with such pure love and adoration. Brody doesn't touch her like he does, soft and gentle and tender. Brody doesn't caress her face like he does. Brody doesn't make her toes curl in ecstasy, or give her a feeling of safety when she's wrapped in his arms. Her sex with Brody is quick, rough and feels…_meaningless_. Whereas Finn makes he feel loved with every touch, caress and thrust. She has sex with Brody, but she makes love with Finn. In that moment, she is lost in Finn's eyes, Finn's embrace, and Finn's warmth, wondering how she could ever let someone else do this to her. With Finn it feels right. With Finn it is right. She could stretch this moment out into forever and live in it.

In the morning when she wakes, she is so tempted to stay in his embrace, snuggle up against him under the sheets. But, she knows this can only be a one night thing because she has a life and a boyfriend waiting for her, and she leaves to go back to New York before nine AM. As she puts on her dress she watches him sleep. He looks so peaceful, his chest slowly rising and falling. She can't resist walking over and kissing his cheek, careful not to wake him up.

She looks over her shoulder at him one more time as she leaves the hotel room, a small snore escaping his mouth. She leaves with a smile on her face. Maybe there's still another chance for them.

* * *

They last time they speak is during a phone call. She calls him, to thank him for what happened with Brody. It's good to know he still cares about her so much after recent events, even if violence had to get involved. She tells him she wished he'd stayed a little longer, hiding the fact that she kind of, sort of, maybe, wants to get back together.

"Next time," He says. "I promise."

She doesn't comment, assuming there will be a next time, because you always assume there will be a next time. You never think this could be your last. They then proceed to talk about college and Puck and Funny Girl, unaware this is the last conversation they will ever have. She loves how he knows what she's going to say before she even says it. He knows her like the back of his hand. She tells him exactly how she's feeling, because she's always been able to do that with him.

He gives her the perfect advice, exactly what she needed to hear. (Again – like the back of his hand.) She knows he's right, and she knows there's one song that is personal and intimate enough for her to sing. She can imagine what he'll say when she tells him about it later already. She hopes he'll be proud of her. But he never gets the chance to hear about the audition, though she hopes he did get a chance to be proud. She hopes and prays he was proud of her.

"Can't wait to come to a show sometime," He says. "Call me as soon as it's over, okay?"

"I will," She says, and those are her last words to him – a promise she won't be able to keep.

And as she hangs up, she feels…happy, sure of herself, sure of her relationship with Finn. It was like she was beginning to become her old self again. She and Finn were meant to be. They'd work things out.

Whenever Rachel thinks about his last words to her, she feels an ache in her chest that feels like it's crushing her. He won't be coming to a show. She won't be calling him. God, he _promised_.

There wasn't a next time. And she didn't know that until it was too late.


End file.
